homogenized

Like the refrain of a forgotten familiar song,
your absence weaves through my thoughts//
Half a dozen souls rolling, as if in a kaleidescope,
forming patterns// a single picture which evaporates
instantaneously with the slightest movement// only to
reform in a new way with different colours// same pieces
different pictures// same start different end//
Standing in front of the window, watching the events
transpire again and again// only to realize that what I see
is the replaying of events in the mirror before me//

Is that the year, then, that I started losing myself// the year
where most of my peers were so busy staring in their own
mirrors, that they rarely noticed how intently I waited at
the windows.//an assignment given to see it from a different angle//
I’ve seen it from mine, askew as it may be, I encounter it daily
this time of year

\ matt’s eyes\ a poem based on heresay and years removed
from the occurrences\his squinty eyes now hidden by worn caps
that were to be removed upon entering the building, so spoke God.//
He was The Friend who was responsible for slicing the ropes//
for calling the ambulance// cleaning up the shit and piss and emesis//
for calling his parents// 18 isn’t enough years to prepare for that, no
amount is// did he cry, was he angry, calm, resigned// in shock//
to see your best friend swinging to and fro circle a bit one way,
then circle a bit the other// did the rafters creak?

\ did the slats of wood notice her shivering?\ did she sort them out-
by colours? shape? size? strength?// no matter// eat, these will keep
you strong//eat, these will keep you sane// she swallowed it up// bitter pills
kept hidden from her loves// a woman trapped in the askew view, realizes
it is all she knows// distraction is a peaceful walk outside// crystallized trees shimmering// all sound muffled by the snow// silence….silence….
silent sleep at last.

\head lost in a flurry of crystal shards\ noises intense
tires maybe squeals// metal ripping at metal// puncturing flesh// glass
snowing as dust and sharp memories// tough as nails// all it takes is a
single hammer// crosses on the side of the road//
flowers teddy bears footballs fishing rods//

what would rest at the foot of my last-mile-marker?
8.10.05/10.21

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