There was a time, long, long ago,
when she thought he loved her. What did she know?
Perhaps, maybe, he did. When she was just a little kid.
She knows that she used to love him.
She doesn’t really remember clearly, she believes it on a whim.
But every little kid loves their Daddy, don’t they?
Even when he can’t put out a fag long enough to play.
He played with her once, outside in the sun.
She threw a ball and he caught it. But just one.
Then he mowed the lawn, vacuumed the pool, fixed the fans.
While she sat quietly and watched, her head in her hands.
As she grew, she realized he drank an awful lot of beer,
and that sometimes he smelled too gross to stand near.
She assumed this was normal. How would she know?
When friends came around, he sure put on a show.
They all thought he was the absolute greatest,
He gave her money, rides – they said he was The Best.
She’s much older now, nearly an adult.
And she wonders how much of it is her fault.
Sometimes she hates him. Often she feels sorry for the man,
Mostly, she tries her very best to feel nothing, if she can.
It’s too confusing. Hating a pathetic shell?
Loving a selfish drunk who’s told her to go to hell?
He has been so evil to those she loves most.
But he thinks that of his children’s love, he can boast.
HE doesn’t see they despise him to the core.
There was a chance of forgiveness – is it there anymore?
She doesn’t know! She can’t decide.
So, from the decision, she chooses to hide.
It kills her to hate, but can she justify love?
These are the questions that plague her as she stares at the sky above.
Right now, she’s far too tired to really care.
But she knows he’ll soon no longer be there.
And then she’ll end up living with regret,
Wishing she’d decided, instead of trying to forget.