You, You pt 2

You

You tell me words I desperately want to hear –
I can’t hear them through the screams in my head.
You offer wisdom I need to comprehend –
It’s translation fragments on it’s journey through my mind.
You urge me to externalize some of what I feel –
I can’t find the thoughts within the haze in my brain.
I try to convince you I really am “just dandy” –
You see through me like a pane of glass.
You offer a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen –
I fear if I accept, I’ll drag us both under.
You reassure me that things will be fine –
I wish I could believe.
You understand me.
I wish I did too.
I wish I could kill the parts that don’t.
But then there would be nothing left.
6.24.98

You, part 2 (Mirrors)

I am made of a two way mirror.
You can see what I reflect at you.
I can see what you see.
You can see what is beyond my reflection.
No more can we share a similar sight.
Right now I see nothing.
As if someone is shining the sun in my eyes.
Blinding me.
Perhaps I am blinding myself?
I am screaming in my head.
I am fragmenting the wisdom in my mind.
I am creating the haze that hides my thoughts.
I am like a room of funhouse mirrors.
There are so many of me.
Which one isn’t merely a reflection?
Am I that one, stretched and tall?
Courageous. Brave. Fearless.
No. I don’t think that is me at all.
How about the one that looks strong?
Or the me that is all grown up?
None of these are me.
Yet, all of them are me.
Along with the others left unmentioned.
But which is my flesh and blood.
Instead of a flat reflection?
Probably the one that looks tired, sad, and bleary eyed.
Or is it the other one? The one that giggles and smiles?
Don’t look to me for answers.
If I knew, I wouldn’t be asking you!
6.24.98

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