Sleepless

Another wave of insomnia sweeps over me.
I wonder how many “works of art” I’ll produce this night.
I hear the DJ on the radio.
But I don’t listen to her soft voice.
I’m too busy trying to sort the voices shouting in my head.
Tears sting my eyes when I think about why I’m still awake.
I lay down my pen.
My vision is blurred and my mind is blanking.
Slowly I look around the room, desperate.
Wanting…needing…my eyes to fall upon something.
Anything that might bring comfort.
They fall on the clock.
Only twenty minutes until I can dial again.
More tears. I want to call now.
Again, my eyes roam the room.
This time, they fall on a huge bouquet of flowers.
Wild flowers. Wild flowers from my wild witch.
(A quick smile, remembering my joy at their arrival.)
My vision is no longer blurred.
The tears have escaped.
Each makes the trek down my cheek.
Softly dropping to my pillow.
I don’t want to be here.
Yet I can’t find anywhere else to go.
So I pretend to sleep until tomorrow dawns-
when I can once again pretend to live.
5.19.98

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