Apprehensive Release

(she thinks about it constantly
before it happens.
while it’s happening.
after it happens)
she waits all day for the sign.
the sign that indicates that She is ready.

she runs scenarios thru her head of what she might say.
and of how She might react.
in the end, she never says what she planned.
it doesn’t matter. saying anything is better than nothing.

She says “come on in, sit down. so what’s up?”
finally. the moment is at hand.
she is afraid to speak the truth.
but she won’t lie.
she fears…disbelief? rejection? spiteful laughter?

She does none of these, when she finally speaks.
she didn’t really think She would.
but it still scares her.

She sits in a chair, she on the sofa.
she plays with a bear. a loose string. anything.
she feels safe here…yet, not at ease.
because she doesn’t know how to say what’s on her mind.
she doesn’t have the courage.
she is silenced by her fears.

She understands. She doesn’t push too hard. just enough.
she stops rambling. She stays silent until the right time.
does She know how afraid she is? possibly.
has She ever been so afraid? probably.

she asks for a hug. She gives two.
she found what she’s been longing for.
She laughs. she smiles.
Life goes on.
1.3.99/12.42am

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