And So I Cried

And so I cried when she left.
I don’t know why.
Perhaps for the words that were there
but which were left unspoken.
Or maybe for the words that dared
seep forth from my throat.
The ones better left buried in the dark.
And I want her to hear but not to listen –
I want to be able to take the secrets back
if ever I should have the need to.
But, Little One, that’s not how it works.
That which is said then lives beyond your head.
And evermore, evermore.
Or is it Ever After?
Somehow, the deconstruction has morphed
into deconstruction. The competence has fallen
into confusion. And so the eggman leaks.
Ashes to ashes and dust to dust.
Not everything planted learns how to grow.
And so I cried at the words floating away.
Some of them caught, but mostly not.
Aimed at the moon and the stars and the sand.
Angry again, at the things I can’t explain.
Angry at the anger, frustrated at the frustration.
I closed my eyes for only a moment,
and was blinded by the sounds within.
The pictures carried words which carried sound
which in turn, carried feelings and thoughts.
That is how it always works.
And so I cried.
Not because of sadness or fear or happiness.
Not because of anything, but because of nothing.
And so I cried for that as well
But without sound and without tears.
Some things count even if they’re only thoughts
and others do not.
The rules are inconsistent.
And so are the outcomes.
And so I cried for all of this and more.
The ones I’ve isolated from.
The ones who’ve isolated from me.
And for those I can’t help,
and for any I’ve ever hurt.
I want sound.tears.tangibility.
Because the sad and angry don’t fit.
And the happy can’t even elbow out of the corner.
It’s a funny thing, to have so many emotions
that none ever come forth.
It’s a scary thing, to have so many thoughts
that it seems easier to get rid of everything
rather than deal with even the simplest thing.
And so I cried as the moon set,
because she was beautiful
in a way that can never be reproduced.
And that was such a silly thought
that it made me want to cry.
Like the rainbows and the smiles and the music.
And so I cried because this is life.
No that’s not it at all.
It should read
“And so I cried because this is life,
and I can not find the balance
nor the justice
nor the fairness.
And I cry because the reality is
that none of these exist.”
And that is why I cry,
without sound. Without tears.
With words alone.

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