Permission To Grieve For My Loss

I’m not allowed to tell you I Love You
Because it might carry the wrong connotation.
And I can’t call you up just to say I Miss You
That’s not how we’re supposed to be.
It’s wrong of me to dwell on my memories
Of the time we spent together
Those feelings should have never been felt.
(But they were)
(Weren’t they?)
The memories—they used to make me smile.
They still do.
Now they also make my eyes sting with tears.
There shouldn’t be anything for me to Get Over.
(But there is)
(Isn’t there?)
How do you do it?
I can’t believe you never really loved me,
And that’s how you moved on so quick.
I have to believer your love was real
To think otherwise would…(you don’t want to know)
Besides, you said the words, and I trusted…I trust you.
Yes, I still trust you. Why? I don’t know.
(It’s so hard not to doubt though, when I never knew why)
So, how do you do it, then?
You are so much stronger than I.
I keep thinking it will get easier.
One day I won’t pray it’s you with every telephone ring.
And eventually, I’ll hear those songs and not feel tears
Stinging in my eyes and burning on my cheeks.
For now, however, I cry. And I miss you, and I love you.
And all I want is to hear your voice. Once more. (please)
I wish it would rain.
1.3.99/12.22am

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