I Miss You

They wonder why my smile is followed by a frown,
why more often than not, I’m feeling so down.
They comment that my voice doesn’t sound the same,
that it cracks and is always hiding a hint of pain.
I wish I could tell someone. Talk about the ache.
Scream at them that the smiles and laughs are 99% fake.
How do I explain the loss of something I never had?
Do I have anything to justify why my head aches like mad?
No.
If they ever found out how pathetic I act anymore,
they’d laugh and point and wonder what I do it for.
I do it because I don’t know how to let go.
Erasing memories isn’t a subject they teach in school, you know?
Usually I can make myself go numb
when these confusing feelings come.
This time the feelings run far too deep.
I’ve gained a wound whose scar my heart will always keep.
9.29.98

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